I struggled with my emotions while I was on bedrest. A lot.
I felt like a failure as a woman because I couldn't keep my baby baking without medical intervention. I was so upset at the thought of him being early. I agonized over the health issues that he could face. I cried because I felt useless and trapped. I was upset because I thought my husband could never find me attractive on days when I couldn't stand up long enough to put on make up or do my hair, or even change out of my pj's. I was miserable because my house was a mess and I couldn't clean it. I wanted food but I couldn't cook. I was sick of TV but I couldn't leave the house.
At some points I was just plain angry. Why was this happening to me? I waited to get pregnant until I had finished school and had a decent job. I felt I had done virtually everything right (not that there is a right way or wrong way). To add insult to injury I had trouble getting pregnant in the first place, and now I can't even handle carrying my child to term? I had taken so many pregnancy tests that came back negative that I didn't bother to try another until my husband suspected I might be pregnant. I was shocked when I saw a positive. So shocked I took two more tests and then went to the OB before we both actually believed it. That was the part about being high risk that hurt the most. It was how incredibly bad I had wanted Little Man, how I didn't think we would ever have him, and then to face so many uncertainties. It was heart-wrenching.
Pregnancy hormones certainly don't help the situation. The worst part is the isolation though. Lucky for our generation we are more connected then ever. Take advantage of this- Skype, Facebook, Tweet, go on message boards, or call someone.
Bedrest can definitely leave you depressed. That's precisely why I wanted to start my blog. Don't be afraid to reach out, don't feel alone. You are not alone, there are plenty who have been there or are there right now.
